


memories and the long, long time it takes to heal (not to mention constant backsliding)

by imaginaryinspiration



Series: together is better than apart [3]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Familial Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Kalos-chihou | Kalos Region (Pokemon), chosen family, kalos crisis, teenager trying to explain PTSD to a 7 year old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:26:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25736503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginaryinspiration/pseuds/imaginaryinspiration
Summary: Ash tries to explain to Bonnie what PTSD is. Meanwhile, they're both dealing with their own.And look at how long had passed now. She was almost 8 and she’d traveled the world with her big brother and some unlikely friends from way different places! If someone had told Bonnie a year ago that she would have the opportunity to travel all over her region, she wouldn’t have believed. Didn’t they know kids couldn’t leave home at her age? She had to wait until she was older, no matter how begrudgingly. The rules couldn’t change for one kid, she’d been told over and over. And sure, they hadn’t really. But this was a pretty good way to get around the rules without actually breaking them.And even though she was still reeling from the Crisis, she was pretty happy. She loved her little chosen family. Two big brothers and a big-sister-mom to match. It was just like all those times she’d played house when she was really little, pretending that she had a bigger family. With a big brother who was protective and paid attention. And a mom. She’d pretended she’d had one of those, or at least a sister. And now!
Relationships: Eureka | Bonnie & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
Series: together is better than apart [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1861465
Comments: 5
Kudos: 68





	memories and the long, long time it takes to heal (not to mention constant backsliding)

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is definitely not as good as the other two in this series, and it felt a little forced to me. Kind of hard to write angst for Bonnie because she's like 7 and also we don't know enough about her in the anime to really write that well. But I tried.
> 
> Also, based on a prompt: collapsing under a canopy of green.

collapsing under a canopy of green

Bonnie collapsed in a heap into the soft and inviting grass. Looking up at the peaks of sunlight shining through the forage above, she sighed a great big sigh and giggled. “That was fun, wasn’t it?”

“It was! I’m super tired though!” He said as he joined her under the shade of the tree. “You know, you’re getting better at keeping up with me!”

“Thanks!” She smiled contentedly and rested on the ground for a couple moments, appreciating the way the blades of grass dug into her skin gently and provided a cool contrast to the heat of the day. Feeling his presence laying down next to her, she glanced at him and pondered the last couple days.

It felt like weeks had passed since then, with how they were able to laugh and play like this, but at the same time, she couldn’t get the memory out of her head of crying and burying her head in Serena’s shoulder in the early hours of the morning, shoulders sagging from the tiredness of staying up all night, while hearing the destruction of the huge fight in the background. Worrying and wondering if this was it, was this really the end of the world? Trying not to look as her friends, her brother and father, fought with all their might, while the boy next to her now fought all the way to the top. Praying, _please don’t die,_ while still somehow believing he was invincible.

She remembered the haggard look he’d had in his eyes, smile drooping and almost breaking when he thought no one was looking, when he looked at the damage that had been made to the city, how _tired_ he looked when he was flying in the helicopter. But with the same determined _I can do this because I have to_ look in his eyes that he got every single time he had to save the world, again and again.

Thinking about it now, she had to wonder. Just what had happened on that day? What happened to him right after the finals? She knew he’d talked to Clemont and Serena, and he’d sort of explained it to her. Brought up to the top of Prism Tower against his will, Lysandre trying to use him. She knew that the same energy that made Squishy evil and cause ultimate destruction to Lumiose city had also been beamed on Ash. But she didn’t really know the full details. Not in the way Clemont and Serena knew. They may have thought that a 7-almost-8-year-old wasn’t perceptive but they would be wrong.

She had seen the look in their eyes, the way they awkwardly glanced at each other but at the same time gave each other such knowing looks, tiny nods of understanding they thought she’d missed. Of course, they’d thought she was too young to handle it. But she _wasn’t!_ She’d been at the Crisis too!

“Hey, Ash?”

“Yeah, Bonnie?”

“Why did you look so sad after the Crisis?”

He turned his head to look at her. “What?”

“Don’t look at me like that! I’m not _stupid!_ Just ‘cause I’m little doesn’t mean I don’t notice stuff! I saw how you looked when you thought no one was looking. I know you were trying to hide stuff from me, you and Clemont and Serena. I know, I know! I know that stuff and I’m not dumb!”

He sat up and smiled at her sadly, prompting her to sit up too, crossing her arms and puffing. She _wasn’t_ about to cry. 

“I know you’re not stupid, Bonnie. Of course I know that. I also know that it was just as hard for you, losing someone you really cared about. Losing Squishy must have been hard, and I didn’t want you to have to deal with more stuff. There’s some stuff that you don’t have to know. In _fact,_ I wasn’t trying to keep a secret from you with Clemont and Serena. I wasn’t even gonna _tell them,_ but they made me, and I know that I don’t tell you guys about enough stuff.”

He used the same gentle tone with her he always did. He was so careful with her, but so brotherly. He wanted to protect her (and he did, way better than her big brother. She loved the guy, but while he was smart with technology, he wasn’t strong and protective the way Ash was.) and wasn’t it better to have _two_ big brothers! Twice the fun and twice the family!

She looked at him, prompting for more.

“How do I explain this…? I guess… you know how sometimes when you run, you fall? You hurt yourself then, and usually you’ll get a scrape and it starts bleeding. If forms a scab. And if you pick at the scab, even though you shouldn’t, it’s really tempting. And that just makes it worse, takes longer to heal.”

She nodded. She understood, so far.

“Well, you can also get hurt in your head too. You can be joking around with someone, and they can hurt your feelings. Or something bad can happen to you, and the memories are painful to remember. The memories are kind of like a scab. If you leave them be, or put some ointment on it, your scrape will heal faster. But remembering those memories is kind of like picking at the scab. It hurts, and it takes longer for the original wound to heal.”

She hadn’t thought about that, but yeah! It made sense. With another nod, he continued.

“So I’ve had a lot of bad experiences, which hurt my head. So I kind of have a lot of bad memories, or scabs. I try not to pick at them, because picking at them makes them worse. A couple days ago in Lumiose city, with Lysandre up on the tower, he kind of ripped off _all_ my scabs. And also gave me a new bad experience. So I’ve been having to deal with all the scabs starting over their healing again, no matter how healed they were before. And that hurts my emotions, the same way a scab hurts your skin. Do you understand that?”

In a weird sort of way, Ash’s extended metaphor made sense. She supposed there’d been some times where she’d had a bad experience and she had some scabs. Like Squishy leaving. Or when Serena was trying to protect her from the big fight at the end. Wondering if the world was going to end right then and there. And it almost did. Thinking about that had hurt a lot, afterwards, so she’d tried to avoid it. Like trying not to pick at a scab. Yeah! Yeah, that made sense now.

But he had a lot of scabs! And all of them had been ripped off! She winced, thinking about the physical pain that would cause. She understood now more that haggard and sad look he’d had in the days after. And why they hadn’t explained.

She laid back down, trying to pull him with her. She gazed up through the tree branches, leaves crossing over and under each other, green seeming to almost glow with sunlight refracting through them and casting a patterned shadow onto the grass beneath it. She watched the leaves sway in the breeze for a little while, and sighed again. Thinking. The scabs were still forming on her mind, little drops of blood oozing from the still-fresh wounds, the same way the memories kept flashing in her mind for still a little while after, though getting less every day. 

Bonnie thought she was dealing with this pretty well. She _was_ a kid, no matter how smart. But thinking of him having to go through this over and over again! She wanted to—

“Can I have a hug? Please?” She asked somewhat urgently.

He sat up and smiled. “Of course, Bonnie. Come here.”

She jumped into his arms and sat there for a second. Her adopted big brother. He always seemed so heroic and so strong for her, but at what cost to him? And he was so patient with her, too. Unlike a lot of people, who just rolled their eyes at her and whatever she had to say, dismissing her as an annoying little kid who thought nothing of value. She’d been so used to being treated like a pest, that when she’d been shown kindness and patience the first day this random teenager had met her, she’d clung to him like glue.

And look at how long had passed now. She was almost 8 and she’d traveled the world with her big brother and some unlikely friends from way different places! If someone had told Bonnie a year ago that she would have the opportunity to travel all over her region, she wouldn’t have believed. Didn’t they know kids couldn’t leave home at her age? She had to wait until she was older, no matter how begrudgingly. The rules couldn’t change for one kid, she’d been told over and over. And sure, they hadn’t _really._ But this was a pretty good way to get around the rules without actually breaking them.

And even though she was still reeling from the Crisis, she was pretty happy. She loved her little chosen family. Two big brothers and a big-sister-mom to match. It was just like all those times she’d played house when she was _really_ little, pretending that she had a bigger family. With a big brother who was protective and paid attention. And a mom. She’d pretended she’d had one of those, or at least a sister. And now!

She pulled out of the hug and looked at him. “Thank you for being like my other big brother! You guys are like my family.”

He smiled at her, that big million dollar smile that she looked forward to seeing every morning. “And I’ve never had any siblings before, but Bonnie, I can say that you’re like my little sister for sure! Nous sommes une famille, peu importe notre sang.”

So, sure, they all had some scabs that would take awhile to heal, but it definitely helped to have some chosen family too.

**Author's Note:**

> translation: "Nous sommes une famille, peu importe notre sang."= "We are family, no matter our blood."


End file.
